I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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