I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
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YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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