were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
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He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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