I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize