She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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