My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
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i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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