It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sober January is a disaster.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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