Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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