Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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