Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
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I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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