burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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