you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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