definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
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My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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