Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize