i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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