Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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