Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize