Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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