We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
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my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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