are you still at the devil's house?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
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Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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