This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize