i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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