I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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