somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
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This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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