I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I forgot how hot balto sounded
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He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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