I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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