We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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