My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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