i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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