I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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