I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Drake has all the answers
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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