my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize