she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
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Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
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You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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