Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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