I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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