How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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