I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Never let your siblings swipe right.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize