but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
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Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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