He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize