Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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