You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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