Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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