So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
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My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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