She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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