Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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