Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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