I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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