well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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