We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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