your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I look better un-naked...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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